we must always live in serious uncertainty about ourselves

The Manna of the Soul Vol. II, pp. 405-6

I. Consider first, that the Preacher is not here speaking of any class of men, whether just or sinners, but of the just only; because sinners know quite certainly that they are worthy of hatred, whereas the just do not know certainly that they are just; and therefore neither do they know certainly that they are worthy of love. And the reason of this difference is, that sin is altogether our own work, so that we may easily know whether we are guilty of it. But infused and inherent grace, which renders us just, is altogether the work of God, and an interior and imperceptible work, so that we cannot know that we are possessed of it. We do indeed know that it follows infallibly when preceded by the right dispositions; but who can assure us of possessing these? The only two channels which convey sanctifying grace to our souls are Baptism and Penance: the first cancels original, the second actual sin. The first requires the intention of the person who administers it, which is hidden from us; the second requires, in addition, on our part, a detestation of sin, which includes true repentance and a sincere resolution of amendment. And who can give us the assurance that we possess this in a sufficient degree? It is indeed written, "When thou shalt seek the Lord thy God thou shalt find Him;" but it is also added, "Yet so, if thou seek Him with all thy heart, and all the affliction of thy soul."1 Here is the uncertainty, and therefore, " No man knoweth whether he be worthy of love or hatred, but all things are kept uncertain for the time to come," that is to say, " for the time when Christ shall sit in judgment." Till then we must always live in serious uncertainty about ourselves, not even knowing whether we shall be saved. When therefore, it is here said, " Man knoweth not whether he be worthy of love or hatred," two kinds of hatred are meant. First, that simple hatred with which God regards the sinner when He sees him in a state of sin, and although He is angry with him on account of that sin, yet bears with him ; and this is the hatred of indignation. And secondly, that consummate hatred with which God regards him when He sees him in a state of sin, and is not only angry with him on account of that sin, but also allows him to die in it, and so to be damned ; and this is the hatred of reprobation. Is it possible that thou art not afraid at finding thyself in so terrible an uncertainty as this ? " Fear and trembling are come upon me, and darkness hath covered me,'"2 that is, "because darkness hath covered me"—"fear" as to the present, "trembling" as to the future.